House speeches are over. Thank god, now I could try to get back on track on my homework. House speeches/video kept me up like the entire week, I slept at 3plus am yesterday (technically today) cause I thought we had to submit the video today and I was falling asleep while I was editing the video! I haven't even watched it once through cause I fell asleep with my computer on the last night and I woke up at 5.30 to quickly complete and save it into a disc. I swear I looked super desperate.

Oh yeah, I planned on posting up the video. I need to reconsider that, given that it's absolutely disturbing. I can't imagine what kind of reactions I'll get. Just imagine. My props are a lolita dress, a purple wig and a mop. Imagine them on me, and me dancing. Gay shit I'm totally ruining my image. Okay, yeah so I'll consider and if it's okay I'll post it up here. Maybe Facebook, I mean that's the only way to get attention right?

YEAH and talking about Facebook, if you're nice and you know it please tag yourself on my campaign poster I posted up on Facebook. So you could endorse me. (Like kind of) And more people will know! :) I will so love you if you do that you know!

Plus I was so shagged cause I only had 2 hours of sleep, I fell asleep during math lecture. Oh yeah, about the first 3-period math lecture I attended in a month (or more) and I fell asleep. And I snored. And Daniel, Alvina, Perle, Alesia and Valerie just sat there. No, they didn't wake me up even though after the end of the lecture Alvina told me my snoring was so loud people could hear it 5 rows down. (I SWEAR SHE'S LYING I DON'T SNORE THAT LOUDLY) Wait, they didn't only not wake me up, they camwhored with a sleeping me in front of them. And recorded my snore. THOSE MEAN PEOPLE! T.T I shouldn't even tell you about this right? It's so embarrasing.

I'm a thousand times more stressed than that. I know, the picture's totally random but I realised I haven't posted up a picture here for ages. Cause my bastard of a phone is rather screwed up and it refuses to detect any memory card slotted into it. (Meaning I can't take photos anymore) Maybe it's getting revenge for the many hurtful abuses I did to it.

But heck, the real thing's that I realised volleyball matches are these 2 weeks, I've probably to spend at least another 2 full days editing the house comm video. Which would result in a very grouchy week cause I don't have any idea what I'm doing for the video, and the end-result's going to come out like crap. Even when I busted my entire weekend on house speech/video.

Fuck this is so retarded I can't stop whining. Someone's going to kill me cause I'm planning to extend my into-mugging-mode deadline by about an extra week. I'm desperately trying to keep up but everything's against it. Term 2 sucks big time. Econs and Physics worry me the most. The notes suck and I can't understand any fugging single thing from plainly reading. FUCK SO SCREWED.
WHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINE

I so need to get an econs/physics tutor. Chem's screwed upside-down-inside-out so badly I'm not even bothering now.

Singapore's hellish these few days. It's been hot weather for a full week already, minus that spooky hurricane-like wind a few nights ago. My family has the air-con turned on for (almost) the entire day already. I swear, it's impossible. If global warming gets any worse I would seriously turn nasty.

Oh yeah, House speech's supposed to be on Monday, but it's currently postponed to Thursday. Don't know if that's good or bad, I definitely need some time to do up a video, maybe the whole of tomorrow. That's why I told myself initially I'm devoting weekends to House speech/promoting, then after Monday I could start on my schoolwork. But now it's on Thursday. Which is also 3 days away from my study-hard-stay-motivated seasons. Which isn't safe, cause my ketchup (catch-up) list has more than 15 items now. Meaning more than 15 sets of notes/tutorials which are incomplete. And those are not including the tutorials which I haven't done.

SHIT I'm whining again. But ohmygod I so need help with the video. Any ideas of ridiculous things I could do please tell me okay? :)

I shouldn't have said that I was bored the other day. Instead I think I'm supposed to be stressed right now, house speech on Monday, I haven't got a clue. Phoenix cheer outing yesterday, only 8 turned up but it was fun nevertheless. We ate 2 large pizzas in the treehouse under the stars (wah so romantic right?) and then Alvina, Miaoqian and Eduardo had to go off so the 5 of us (me, Suwen, Daniel, Perle, Wenxin) camwhored. We went to the goalpost, we camwhored at least 25 times lying down on the field "grass" and walked around the field area doing really ridiculous (and unglam) things. Like posing with billboards and penalty spots and shoes. The day ended at like 10plus PM in school (OMG like a normal cheerleading day) and we were so exhausted. Was so high rofl.

Studied in the afternoon with Daniel and Wenxin (at T3), but it was not really productive. I read like... 2 pages of physics and gave up. The rest of the time I was trying to do either Physics or Econs. Felt pretty much screwed up. I felt like I skipped school but hardly even studied, which was so stupid and wasted. Started with a page of Econs and eventually gave up cause I didn't understand, then moved on to Forces, gave up, then Ideal Gas/Thermodynamics and screwed. Like there's this page with 12 formulas or something. I can't even figure out how the formula transforms, much less to say understand them. Watched "17 Again" with Yuting, Sandra, Liqin and Jieting at Iluma (OMG I'm going there so often it's so boring) It wasn't as bimbo as I expected it to be, so yeah, not too bad I guess. LOL plus I was like 1 hour late to the airport and then ended up 10 minutes late for the movie at Bugis. Thank god I was wearing this Animaniacs t-shirt from 80stees.com which shouts "I'VE GOT A POTTY EMERGENCY". :)

Going to Freda's house tomorrow cause VJwushu's having a sleepover.

Yeah, plus talking to Yuting, Sandra and Jieting just now made me feel so much more motivated. I'm going to start studying after the end of my 15 days. (I SO SWEAR OKAY) Hopefully to catch up as much as possible. I'm going to stop ponning lectures or skipping school. I'm turning over a new leaf.

Plus fuck! (On a side note) I absolutely abhore closet muggers. I mean, (fuck) who cares if you mug, it's totally a good thing. Just don't act like you don't mug when you actually do. Don't make things worse if you're already closet mugging and then calling others a mugger (by whatever low standards you set to mugging). Then discriminating mugging. I'm just generally speaking, don't feel offended. But if you are, it would do you good to reflect and change.

"Maybe I'm bored."

No, I can't believe that actually came out of me. With the tests and assignments, chapters unstudied and commitments. I swear I didn't just say that I'm bored. Maybe it's because I'm trying hard to muster all my self-control; and I did manage to push down a gathering or two. I've hardly been out the past few days, and it's not a bad thing actually. I'm starting to feel like I'm secondary 4 again, wushu competition's over thus a break.

Finally there's a break, I realised I haven't (purchased or... gotten) new songs in quite a while. There's always this sweetly-wrapped excitement when you load new songs into your iTunes, like you're about to experience some kind of magic, like tearing open the wrapping of Christmas presents. I'm especially reminiscent about secondary 4 days right now, especially when I'm at Puayying's blog looping "That's When I Love You" by Asyln.


5 things I would kill to really damned do now:
1. Volleyball at Sentosa; Eugene Sandra Maureen Alisa Alicia Liqin Tzuhsiang Jieting Yuting (and occasionally Sieweng)
Eulong4maursand training days at Sentosa around the end of years, slurpee spams, lunches settled at 7-eleven, seeking shelter in rainy days, scalding ourselves barefooted, cartwheeling on the sand, burying bottles, playing through sunsets. Let's really do this again soon okay, let's not waste our concession pass :) I will totally skip school to go Sentosa again with you guys.

2. Making a layout. Huge itch to do it, but my controlled self tell myself I don't have 12 hours to spend designing and coding one. I still miss the excited occasionally: posting the blogskin up, reading comments etc.

3. Grillers at Tiong Bahru Plaza; (most of the time) Sandra, Cheryl, Yuting, Alisa, Maureen
Yes, the 2 badminton 2 wushu 2 table tennis combination! Miss the gigantic servings for $7, jars (literally) of coke, random chatting.

4. Canteen bitchin; Siyun, Jessica, Brigitte and a hell lot more.
40 cents milk tea, sitting through recess/lunch, cursing laughing whining gossiping, Siyun's face getting all red, being late for lessons.

5. Phoenix cheerleaders
No particular time, no particular place (okay, maybe Ed's house :p) cause the company's all that matters. Awesome bunch of kids, we rock the cheermats and pwn the FBTs.

>SUSAN BOYLE

Aww embedding was disabled. Just watched Susan Boyle's performance on Britain's Got Talent 2009, I am still really impressed by the performance, hit me right in the heart. It's not just that she could sing so well, but it really just shows how people stereotype. Before I even knew she was anyone she even is, I saw that I had 4 friends who were fans of her, and Facebook suggested me to be a fan as well. Obviously I thought like "oh my god, who's that so ugly, and why does she have fans?" but I didn't click to find out more. Don't tell me you didn't feel like that okay. Superfically she looks like a fatter, manlier, uglier, older version of ugly betty. Watch the video, look at the expressions in the audience when she was introducing herself. I would be surprised if you didn't feel the exact same detest towards her.

The first line was incredulous, touching even. I felt the tears welling up while watching the video. It's not the sad kind of touching but rather shell-shock. Did you think she could even sing? I bet everyone thought she would be the next joke, like the next Hung. She gave me a slap in my face. She had a complete standing ovation (sans Simon) okay, honestly the very first time I had a 180deg change in impression of a person in less than a minute.

This was last year, I didn't just take this. But I happened to be wearing the same shirt right now, haha. I'm still trying to brainstorm an idea for PI right now. Final submission is 5 days away and my PI just got rejected today. Totally happy right. Plus tomorrow I'll be out and before that I'm giving my sec 4 cousin a little tuition (if I can even remember anything). Then there's sunday left. I think I'm not sleeping today.

Final day of wushu competitions, VJ went away with A' div 2nd national for both guys and girls. Guys did seriously well, got 1st for both weapon/quan events :) 要拼才会赢 honestly. [OMG my Chinese's so dusty I didn't know which 拼 word was it and I took a minute to Google and confirm] Was seriously high during prize presentation, we camwhored while 2 really nice photosoc guys helped us take photos. One of them even brought home a gold medal cause there were 10 medals for each event and we still had extras, reserves included. HAHA totally cool man, we did like 2 mass dances, just about 101 school/house cheers and we PK-ed.

Peektures up when I receive them :)

I was all set and ready to complain about how I spent my free day buying gifts for my angel/mortal and spending about 2 hours writing letters, drawing and putting everything nicely together in a gift for my angel. I haven't done my mortal's. But no, I'm going to abstain from complaining.

I'm giving myself 15 more days. Enjoy the 15 days, after that I'm going to dive straight into work. 1st May 2009, no more fooling around. I'm actually rather positive that 15 days' enough for me to prep myself up for the big change, I'm going to do it.

Had chem prac today. The pace's too fast. No, wait it's more like I'm too slow. But anyway chem prac really helps... it's fun to a certain extent, though occasionally I still fall asleep halfway. Towards the end of chem prac today Ivan actually thought out loud "aiya, I never got one chem prac is succeed one leh". Seriously funny, I had a good laugh, but that's the same for me. Failed the experiment twice today, it's displacement/collection of CO2 from HCl and a white carbonate. I actually dropped the entire mini container of carbonate powder into the conical flask while trying to tap off the carbonate powder. That was failure 1. Secondly I was almost through with the experiment when my stopper on the flask came off. Failure 2.





I'm sure you've seen this at least 10 times on TV. Just wanna touch on how touching and how powerful the ad was. Yes, better than almost all other ads I've seen. It's the only, really darn only ad I've seen that could actually make my eyes watery. Great ad, some say it's greatly "inspired" (meaning it's almost a rip off) of the film Good Will Hunting by Gus Van Sant, things about farting in sleep and the beauty of imperfections: farting and dogs. But hell, who really cares right?

Went for steamboat buffet at Bugis today with Alisa, Alicia and Eugene, to celebrate Cheryl and Maureen's birthdays. Haven't seen Alisa, Alicia and Maureen for super long... like the last time I could recall was... HCL O'level results. Also the start of DHS Orientation... which was Jan, which is 3 months OMG. Hope we go to Sentosa soon huh.

Anyway we ate from like 7pm to 10pm straight and I spammed lots of fish/chicken/pork and ended up eating a lot of it cause nobody else really wanted them in the first place. But the buffet's cool, it's about 20 each and we asked about their closing time - it's actually 4am. Pwn seriously, dinner supper breakfast all inside. That's if you're kiasu enough to stay through the whole course. Plus I tio-ed 2 out of 5 bowls of the leftovers through 终极密码 (if that's how you write it) and I'm dying from the bloat. Seriously feed me one more piece of chicken and I'll vomit in front of you. I SWEAR I SWEAR!!! But it was fun anyway, happy birthday to Maureen and Cheryl! We should totally beach volleyball someday, those times in sec 4 were awesome.

And I reached home with an empty wallet. I went out of house with $64 in my wallet exactly. And no, I didn't have to pay no funds. (LOL so nigga) Spent it on food and the birthday presents, oh and $10 top-up of my ez-link (don't mention the new card please). See, pocket money's -$14 on the first day of the week. Record, seriously. I think I'm going to fast to punish myself for spending so much. [OMG my stomach's so full, I just burped and I smelt the cursed chicken!] I don't think I'm going to sleep till after 2am cause I can't sleep with such a full stomach. Blasted buffet!

I got stuck at Differentiation. It's not helping, I got home an hour ago and it's the only time I got so far in the weekend, but I got stuck. It's hopeless, I'm either too stupid for JC or I'm not studying hard enough. I'm trying my best to catch up with the syllabus with whatever fragments of time I have but I'm failing badly.

Everytime I get stuck at any topic my determination to go on is wavered, I feel like sleeping instead. I'm drinking a cup of coffee a day to keep awake, but I fear it's excessive and I'm ruining my health. I'm considering retaining. The prospects sounds rather good, one year in exchange for new chances, new hopes. A new chance for me to keep awake and pay attention, that's of course a last resort, but given circumstances now it seems quite plausible.

And what's worse I don't have money for tuition. I haven't had it for upper secondary and I thought it was still good. The syllabus's too ahead of me for me to even try to catch up. So dead.

I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that today wasn't fine. At all. Was quite a bad day in school, instead maybe one of the worst I've had. I went to school tired and devoid of happiness (I didn't get much sleep cause of Youtube), whatever which happened next didn't help. Firstly I tried paying attention during chem lecture (which I choose to attend instead of skipping) but yet still didn't manage to understand anything, secondly I was badly scolded in front of 4 classes for attempting to skip PE lessons for napping, I used competition as an excuse but fuck, I'm only a bloody reserve. And then I realised almost the entire class completed Differentiation tutorial (not as if they shouldn't) and honestly speaking I don't even understand the chapter. Felt so fucked up I was damned morose through the break our class had. But thanks so much to Daniel who accompanied/tutored me during math lecture to catch up on Differentiation. You're totally nice. :)

Arts fest performance did lighten my spirits a little. Yeah and I haven't went to volleyball training for a few weeks already, cause PT gives me muscle aches which means difficulty in training for competition (like there was this time I had strains even when I lift up my arm). But now it's kind of over since I'm a reserve for group event, but I don't know how to start going for trainings. I feel like rather detached from the team since I hardly interact with most of them and I haven't went to quite a number of trainings, so much so I think the seniors hate me LOL. Still some things but I'm not going to mention them cause it's touchy-feely and I hate to share emo stuff. I only blog about them to... get them off my head. Something like Dumbledore and his pensieve.


Kay, rather successful. Now about the happier things: went out with Hs (haha so Gossip Girl) to the new mall at Bugis on Tuesday. David Archuleta just happens to be there in an autograph session. Oh yeah, and Tzuhsiang was so annoyed cause when we got there David A. just ended his last song. Quite cool, first time I saw a US artiste having autograph session in Singapore.

And yes! 4E guys outing today at Clarke Quay. Unexpectedly I ate half a pizza and a "hamburg steak with mushroom sauce" and free flow drinks for only $16.50. I know, my pocket money's like more than -$40 this week already. We went to some restaurant at Liang Court (I remember I saw it on Guo Liang's program on channel 8/U a few months ago) but some of the food were just okay. Cheese/bacon pizza's quite good, the hamburger patty (yeah, you realise steak sounds so much better than patty right?) was really soft and the meat was quite loose, but the corn in the set saved it. Yes, surprisingly the corn tastes quite awesome. Was really funny, it was an all-guys gathering (I don't know why, maybe Kangsheng the organiser's shy or something... HAHA) but anyway had fun poking fun at Bowen and Clinton, haven't seen some people for some time and so it was quite cool. :)

Yeah, I should get a xanga/livejournal soon. Absolutely need to lock posts leh, I'm like exposing my entire life for strangers from all corners of the world. So scary (?LOL). And since I'm totally retired from doing blogskins, there's nothing much holding me back :)

The previous post was over-the-top mushy, but I'm not going to delete it cause that was really what I felt at that exact moment. It's a really good feeling, though by the end of the previous post the moment kinda passed and I couldn't express the emotion accurately anymore. Such short lasting emotions... really just emphasises how precious the moment was.

Yeah, I'm still having no time to study/sleep. It's a matter of self-control, that I could choose to go home rather than hang out with friends, but when the latter presents itself in front of you, even if it's 4 consecutive days of a week, you'll still be tempted right? I'm trying quite hard to get started on work, I've "excused myself" for more than 3 math lectures, ever since Differentiation started, but more precisely ever since Mr Foo SB swooped over and took over the lecture series. It's not that he can't teach (not that I even know how he teaches) but his voice is a lullaby. No, I can't even call it a lullaby, it's more like noises of huge wavelengths. And about the point of his teaching style, I seriously can't judge cause I've never -ever- kept awake through his lectures. Not once, I swear. I'm studying at home, minus sleep time or Facebook time. If I'm not sleeping or on Facebook, you know I'm mugging. But I'm not even sure that's considered mugging cause I have like just about half an hour or less everyday to try and do work.

Good news is: I finished PI, bad news is ever since I completed PI I haven't done a single tutorial or exercise question cause I'm still feeling a HUGE sense of achievement from completing PI, and it successfully overrides any kind of guilt existing from undone tutorials. :) Swear I'm going to start mugging as soon as possible. Which I foresee is not very soon, but still yes. Oh yeah plus there's a 70% chance I'm dropping Chem to H1 cause it sucks.

My friends pwn.

It's midnight and I'm praying really hard I can get my PI done by tonight cause there's still loads left for tomorrow. I turned on the air-con and it's getting really quite cold. I struggled with PI. I was squirming and rolling around on the mat I set down in the study room with stress just moments ago, but right now I'm feeling this warm sensation in my heart, much stress gone.

I felt teary for a moment. I really marvel at what good friends I have, how fortunate I am to have them. I'm not the kind who make BFFs, but yet just how much care I receive from some of my friends at times when I needed them the most make me feel really awesome. I can't tell what I did to deserve it, but I really have to thank my friends. I feel so much better right now. A moment ago I felt hopeless, on the brink of stress.

Really I can swear I was so touched I hardly even remember another time I felt like that. Thanks Sandra, you got my entire night back on track. I wouldn't have been able to produce a single piece of idea given that state of mind previously, thanks for the encouragement and all that help. Yuting as well, for Chemistry. Liqin, Jieting, Sieweng, Tzuhsiang, Angell. I swear we won't ever fall apart okay :)

Also here's thanks to Michelle and Alvina just now.


Man, I love my friends.

Wushu competition. My only event, but thank god it's finally over. I got like 7th place (which is non-existential) but it was not bad, people told me I was quite on-form despite my thinking I forgot to execute some stuff I reminded myself about. HAHA saw Ivan and Pingyao at Parkway at night and Ivan seemed so worried I was depressed over the results or something (LOL) but I'm okay cause I didn't expect to win, at all. I'm quite noob and this year don't know why everyone is damn zai, I saw the C' div. boys for my event and I got quite a shock. I don't even have confidence I can make it next year, I might have to depend on luck. Alvina was quite lucky this year, 5 participants and 1 of them forgot her steps and gave up, while the other fell down halfway through the event. Wish I had that luck, LOL.

But to encourage myself, it was one of my best competition attempts and I scored 8.21, which is only 0.14 or 0.15 below the 1st placing, while 4 people were fighting for 3rd and 4th place at 8.31. Everyone else was really damn good, its super cool.

Plus I am really getting senile or something. You know I left my weapon in the wushu room in VJ today? And only realised it when my event was an hour away? And just yesterday... I travelled from school to home to hougang to home to hougang and back to home. Very long and boring story, but just anyway know that I was supposed to run errands and forgot about it. Twice. Okay great, can finally start on PI.

Don't bother reading. I just needed to whine.

I'm experiencing a whole new kind of emotion. I can't find an appropriate word to describe it. You can expect probably half of what it is, given my current circumstances. Weeks like these, what could I possibly blog about other than increasing workload? I don't know it myself.

The feeling's kind of trapped between a midway "workload is overpowering" and a "I'm past the stage when I still actually care about school". I don't know, I still have half an econs essay, the PI draft and wushu competition. I disregarded all tutorials and the GP essay already. I know I've workload beyond my measure, but I don't really feel like I'm stressed. It's like a subconscious acknowledgement about the workload but not doing anything about it.

Plus peer-pressure from the class isn't helping. I'm not sure if anyone from s65 reads this, some probably do but not on a frequent basis. We kind of live the typical VJ stereotype truly, having fun out and mugging at home. Problem for me's that I don't have time to mug at home, and minus that it's just having fun out. I get a little more stressed every now and then when others complete their work on time. I don't wanna talk bad about s65, it's a fact we're really not united and we're quite clique-ish and all, but sometimes I really miss 4E. Yeah, I'm sorry classmates.

I seriously hope everything gets a hell lot better after my wushu event on Friday. Which I'm a little worried about, still. I don't have a single idea about PI, submission for draft's on Friday as well (yes, everything's on Friday: econs, GP, PI, wushu). I fell asleep during the PI briefing, I slacked through the 1 hour research time for PI ideas, and I haven't even had proper time to read Project Task 2. Holy shit this sucks, I need a time machine.

House speeches are over. Thank god, now I could try to get back on track on my homework. House speeches/video kept me up like the entire week, I slept at 3plus am yesterday (technically today) cause I thought we had to submit the video today and I was falling asleep while I was editing the video! I haven't even watched it once through cause I fell asleep with my computer on the last night and I woke up at 5.30 to quickly complete and save it into a disc. I swear I looked super desperate.

Oh yeah, I planned on posting up the video. I need to reconsider that, given that it's absolutely disturbing. I can't imagine what kind of reactions I'll get. Just imagine. My props are a lolita dress, a purple wig and a mop. Imagine them on me, and me dancing. Gay shit I'm totally ruining my image. Okay, yeah so I'll consider and if it's okay I'll post it up here. Maybe Facebook, I mean that's the only way to get attention right?

YEAH and talking about Facebook, if you're nice and you know it please tag yourself on my campaign poster I posted up on Facebook. So you could endorse me. (Like kind of) And more people will know! :) I will so love you if you do that you know!

Plus I was so shagged cause I only had 2 hours of sleep, I fell asleep during math lecture. Oh yeah, about the first 3-period math lecture I attended in a month (or more) and I fell asleep. And I snored. And Daniel, Alvina, Perle, Alesia and Valerie just sat there. No, they didn't wake me up even though after the end of the lecture Alvina told me my snoring was so loud people could hear it 5 rows down. (I SWEAR SHE'S LYING I DON'T SNORE THAT LOUDLY) Wait, they didn't only not wake me up, they camwhored with a sleeping me in front of them. And recorded my snore. THOSE MEAN PEOPLE! T.T I shouldn't even tell you about this right? It's so embarrasing.

I'm a thousand times more stressed than that. I know, the picture's totally random but I realised I haven't posted up a picture here for ages. Cause my bastard of a phone is rather screwed up and it refuses to detect any memory card slotted into it. (Meaning I can't take photos anymore) Maybe it's getting revenge for the many hurtful abuses I did to it.

But heck, the real thing's that I realised volleyball matches are these 2 weeks, I've probably to spend at least another 2 full days editing the house comm video. Which would result in a very grouchy week cause I don't have any idea what I'm doing for the video, and the end-result's going to come out like crap. Even when I busted my entire weekend on house speech/video.

Fuck this is so retarded I can't stop whining. Someone's going to kill me cause I'm planning to extend my into-mugging-mode deadline by about an extra week. I'm desperately trying to keep up but everything's against it. Term 2 sucks big time. Econs and Physics worry me the most. The notes suck and I can't understand any fugging single thing from plainly reading. FUCK SO SCREWED.
WHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINE

I so need to get an econs/physics tutor. Chem's screwed upside-down-inside-out so badly I'm not even bothering now.

Singapore's hellish these few days. It's been hot weather for a full week already, minus that spooky hurricane-like wind a few nights ago. My family has the air-con turned on for (almost) the entire day already. I swear, it's impossible. If global warming gets any worse I would seriously turn nasty.

Oh yeah, House speech's supposed to be on Monday, but it's currently postponed to Thursday. Don't know if that's good or bad, I definitely need some time to do up a video, maybe the whole of tomorrow. That's why I told myself initially I'm devoting weekends to House speech/promoting, then after Monday I could start on my schoolwork. But now it's on Thursday. Which is also 3 days away from my study-hard-stay-motivated seasons. Which isn't safe, cause my ketchup (catch-up) list has more than 15 items now. Meaning more than 15 sets of notes/tutorials which are incomplete. And those are not including the tutorials which I haven't done.

SHIT I'm whining again. But ohmygod I so need help with the video. Any ideas of ridiculous things I could do please tell me okay? :)

I shouldn't have said that I was bored the other day. Instead I think I'm supposed to be stressed right now, house speech on Monday, I haven't got a clue. Phoenix cheer outing yesterday, only 8 turned up but it was fun nevertheless. We ate 2 large pizzas in the treehouse under the stars (wah so romantic right?) and then Alvina, Miaoqian and Eduardo had to go off so the 5 of us (me, Suwen, Daniel, Perle, Wenxin) camwhored. We went to the goalpost, we camwhored at least 25 times lying down on the field "grass" and walked around the field area doing really ridiculous (and unglam) things. Like posing with billboards and penalty spots and shoes. The day ended at like 10plus PM in school (OMG like a normal cheerleading day) and we were so exhausted. Was so high rofl.

Studied in the afternoon with Daniel and Wenxin (at T3), but it was not really productive. I read like... 2 pages of physics and gave up. The rest of the time I was trying to do either Physics or Econs. Felt pretty much screwed up. I felt like I skipped school but hardly even studied, which was so stupid and wasted. Started with a page of Econs and eventually gave up cause I didn't understand, then moved on to Forces, gave up, then Ideal Gas/Thermodynamics and screwed. Like there's this page with 12 formulas or something. I can't even figure out how the formula transforms, much less to say understand them. Watched "17 Again" with Yuting, Sandra, Liqin and Jieting at Iluma (OMG I'm going there so often it's so boring) It wasn't as bimbo as I expected it to be, so yeah, not too bad I guess. LOL plus I was like 1 hour late to the airport and then ended up 10 minutes late for the movie at Bugis. Thank god I was wearing this Animaniacs t-shirt from 80stees.com which shouts "I'VE GOT A POTTY EMERGENCY". :)

Going to Freda's house tomorrow cause VJwushu's having a sleepover.

Yeah, plus talking to Yuting, Sandra and Jieting just now made me feel so much more motivated. I'm going to start studying after the end of my 15 days. (I SO SWEAR OKAY) Hopefully to catch up as much as possible. I'm going to stop ponning lectures or skipping school. I'm turning over a new leaf.

Plus fuck! (On a side note) I absolutely abhore closet muggers. I mean, (fuck) who cares if you mug, it's totally a good thing. Just don't act like you don't mug when you actually do. Don't make things worse if you're already closet mugging and then calling others a mugger (by whatever low standards you set to mugging). Then discriminating mugging. I'm just generally speaking, don't feel offended. But if you are, it would do you good to reflect and change.

"Maybe I'm bored."

No, I can't believe that actually came out of me. With the tests and assignments, chapters unstudied and commitments. I swear I didn't just say that I'm bored. Maybe it's because I'm trying hard to muster all my self-control; and I did manage to push down a gathering or two. I've hardly been out the past few days, and it's not a bad thing actually. I'm starting to feel like I'm secondary 4 again, wushu competition's over thus a break.

Finally there's a break, I realised I haven't (purchased or... gotten) new songs in quite a while. There's always this sweetly-wrapped excitement when you load new songs into your iTunes, like you're about to experience some kind of magic, like tearing open the wrapping of Christmas presents. I'm especially reminiscent about secondary 4 days right now, especially when I'm at Puayying's blog looping "That's When I Love You" by Asyln.


5 things I would kill to really damned do now:
1. Volleyball at Sentosa; Eugene Sandra Maureen Alisa Alicia Liqin Tzuhsiang Jieting Yuting (and occasionally Sieweng)
Eulong4maursand training days at Sentosa around the end of years, slurpee spams, lunches settled at 7-eleven, seeking shelter in rainy days, scalding ourselves barefooted, cartwheeling on the sand, burying bottles, playing through sunsets. Let's really do this again soon okay, let's not waste our concession pass :) I will totally skip school to go Sentosa again with you guys.

2. Making a layout. Huge itch to do it, but my controlled self tell myself I don't have 12 hours to spend designing and coding one. I still miss the excited occasionally: posting the blogskin up, reading comments etc.

3. Grillers at Tiong Bahru Plaza; (most of the time) Sandra, Cheryl, Yuting, Alisa, Maureen
Yes, the 2 badminton 2 wushu 2 table tennis combination! Miss the gigantic servings for $7, jars (literally) of coke, random chatting.

4. Canteen bitchin; Siyun, Jessica, Brigitte and a hell lot more.
40 cents milk tea, sitting through recess/lunch, cursing laughing whining gossiping, Siyun's face getting all red, being late for lessons.

5. Phoenix cheerleaders
No particular time, no particular place (okay, maybe Ed's house :p) cause the company's all that matters. Awesome bunch of kids, we rock the cheermats and pwn the FBTs.

>SUSAN BOYLE

Aww embedding was disabled. Just watched Susan Boyle's performance on Britain's Got Talent 2009, I am still really impressed by the performance, hit me right in the heart. It's not just that she could sing so well, but it really just shows how people stereotype. Before I even knew she was anyone she even is, I saw that I had 4 friends who were fans of her, and Facebook suggested me to be a fan as well. Obviously I thought like "oh my god, who's that so ugly, and why does she have fans?" but I didn't click to find out more. Don't tell me you didn't feel like that okay. Superfically she looks like a fatter, manlier, uglier, older version of ugly betty. Watch the video, look at the expressions in the audience when she was introducing herself. I would be surprised if you didn't feel the exact same detest towards her.

The first line was incredulous, touching even. I felt the tears welling up while watching the video. It's not the sad kind of touching but rather shell-shock. Did you think she could even sing? I bet everyone thought she would be the next joke, like the next Hung. She gave me a slap in my face. She had a complete standing ovation (sans Simon) okay, honestly the very first time I had a 180deg change in impression of a person in less than a minute.

This was last year, I didn't just take this. But I happened to be wearing the same shirt right now, haha. I'm still trying to brainstorm an idea for PI right now. Final submission is 5 days away and my PI just got rejected today. Totally happy right. Plus tomorrow I'll be out and before that I'm giving my sec 4 cousin a little tuition (if I can even remember anything). Then there's sunday left. I think I'm not sleeping today.

Final day of wushu competitions, VJ went away with A' div 2nd national for both guys and girls. Guys did seriously well, got 1st for both weapon/quan events :) 要拼才会赢 honestly. [OMG my Chinese's so dusty I didn't know which 拼 word was it and I took a minute to Google and confirm] Was seriously high during prize presentation, we camwhored while 2 really nice photosoc guys helped us take photos. One of them even brought home a gold medal cause there were 10 medals for each event and we still had extras, reserves included. HAHA totally cool man, we did like 2 mass dances, just about 101 school/house cheers and we PK-ed.

Peektures up when I receive them :)

I was all set and ready to complain about how I spent my free day buying gifts for my angel/mortal and spending about 2 hours writing letters, drawing and putting everything nicely together in a gift for my angel. I haven't done my mortal's. But no, I'm going to abstain from complaining.

I'm giving myself 15 more days. Enjoy the 15 days, after that I'm going to dive straight into work. 1st May 2009, no more fooling around. I'm actually rather positive that 15 days' enough for me to prep myself up for the big change, I'm going to do it.

Had chem prac today. The pace's too fast. No, wait it's more like I'm too slow. But anyway chem prac really helps... it's fun to a certain extent, though occasionally I still fall asleep halfway. Towards the end of chem prac today Ivan actually thought out loud "aiya, I never got one chem prac is succeed one leh". Seriously funny, I had a good laugh, but that's the same for me. Failed the experiment twice today, it's displacement/collection of CO2 from HCl and a white carbonate. I actually dropped the entire mini container of carbonate powder into the conical flask while trying to tap off the carbonate powder. That was failure 1. Secondly I was almost through with the experiment when my stopper on the flask came off. Failure 2.





I'm sure you've seen this at least 10 times on TV. Just wanna touch on how touching and how powerful the ad was. Yes, better than almost all other ads I've seen. It's the only, really darn only ad I've seen that could actually make my eyes watery. Great ad, some say it's greatly "inspired" (meaning it's almost a rip off) of the film Good Will Hunting by Gus Van Sant, things about farting in sleep and the beauty of imperfections: farting and dogs. But hell, who really cares right?

Went for steamboat buffet at Bugis today with Alisa, Alicia and Eugene, to celebrate Cheryl and Maureen's birthdays. Haven't seen Alisa, Alicia and Maureen for super long... like the last time I could recall was... HCL O'level results. Also the start of DHS Orientation... which was Jan, which is 3 months OMG. Hope we go to Sentosa soon huh.

Anyway we ate from like 7pm to 10pm straight and I spammed lots of fish/chicken/pork and ended up eating a lot of it cause nobody else really wanted them in the first place. But the buffet's cool, it's about 20 each and we asked about their closing time - it's actually 4am. Pwn seriously, dinner supper breakfast all inside. That's if you're kiasu enough to stay through the whole course. Plus I tio-ed 2 out of 5 bowls of the leftovers through 终极密码 (if that's how you write it) and I'm dying from the bloat. Seriously feed me one more piece of chicken and I'll vomit in front of you. I SWEAR I SWEAR!!! But it was fun anyway, happy birthday to Maureen and Cheryl! We should totally beach volleyball someday, those times in sec 4 were awesome.

And I reached home with an empty wallet. I went out of house with $64 in my wallet exactly. And no, I didn't have to pay no funds. (LOL so nigga) Spent it on food and the birthday presents, oh and $10 top-up of my ez-link (don't mention the new card please). See, pocket money's -$14 on the first day of the week. Record, seriously. I think I'm going to fast to punish myself for spending so much. [OMG my stomach's so full, I just burped and I smelt the cursed chicken!] I don't think I'm going to sleep till after 2am cause I can't sleep with such a full stomach. Blasted buffet!

I got stuck at Differentiation. It's not helping, I got home an hour ago and it's the only time I got so far in the weekend, but I got stuck. It's hopeless, I'm either too stupid for JC or I'm not studying hard enough. I'm trying my best to catch up with the syllabus with whatever fragments of time I have but I'm failing badly.

Everytime I get stuck at any topic my determination to go on is wavered, I feel like sleeping instead. I'm drinking a cup of coffee a day to keep awake, but I fear it's excessive and I'm ruining my health. I'm considering retaining. The prospects sounds rather good, one year in exchange for new chances, new hopes. A new chance for me to keep awake and pay attention, that's of course a last resort, but given circumstances now it seems quite plausible.

And what's worse I don't have money for tuition. I haven't had it for upper secondary and I thought it was still good. The syllabus's too ahead of me for me to even try to catch up. So dead.

I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that today wasn't fine. At all. Was quite a bad day in school, instead maybe one of the worst I've had. I went to school tired and devoid of happiness (I didn't get much sleep cause of Youtube), whatever which happened next didn't help. Firstly I tried paying attention during chem lecture (which I choose to attend instead of skipping) but yet still didn't manage to understand anything, secondly I was badly scolded in front of 4 classes for attempting to skip PE lessons for napping, I used competition as an excuse but fuck, I'm only a bloody reserve. And then I realised almost the entire class completed Differentiation tutorial (not as if they shouldn't) and honestly speaking I don't even understand the chapter. Felt so fucked up I was damned morose through the break our class had. But thanks so much to Daniel who accompanied/tutored me during math lecture to catch up on Differentiation. You're totally nice. :)

Arts fest performance did lighten my spirits a little. Yeah and I haven't went to volleyball training for a few weeks already, cause PT gives me muscle aches which means difficulty in training for competition (like there was this time I had strains even when I lift up my arm). But now it's kind of over since I'm a reserve for group event, but I don't know how to start going for trainings. I feel like rather detached from the team since I hardly interact with most of them and I haven't went to quite a number of trainings, so much so I think the seniors hate me LOL. Still some things but I'm not going to mention them cause it's touchy-feely and I hate to share emo stuff. I only blog about them to... get them off my head. Something like Dumbledore and his pensieve.


Kay, rather successful. Now about the happier things: went out with Hs (haha so Gossip Girl) to the new mall at Bugis on Tuesday. David Archuleta just happens to be there in an autograph session. Oh yeah, and Tzuhsiang was so annoyed cause when we got there David A. just ended his last song. Quite cool, first time I saw a US artiste having autograph session in Singapore.

And yes! 4E guys outing today at Clarke Quay. Unexpectedly I ate half a pizza and a "hamburg steak with mushroom sauce" and free flow drinks for only $16.50. I know, my pocket money's like more than -$40 this week already. We went to some restaurant at Liang Court (I remember I saw it on Guo Liang's program on channel 8/U a few months ago) but some of the food were just okay. Cheese/bacon pizza's quite good, the hamburger patty (yeah, you realise steak sounds so much better than patty right?) was really soft and the meat was quite loose, but the corn in the set saved it. Yes, surprisingly the corn tastes quite awesome. Was really funny, it was an all-guys gathering (I don't know why, maybe Kangsheng the organiser's shy or something... HAHA) but anyway had fun poking fun at Bowen and Clinton, haven't seen some people for some time and so it was quite cool. :)

Yeah, I should get a xanga/livejournal soon. Absolutely need to lock posts leh, I'm like exposing my entire life for strangers from all corners of the world. So scary (?LOL). And since I'm totally retired from doing blogskins, there's nothing much holding me back :)

The previous post was over-the-top mushy, but I'm not going to delete it cause that was really what I felt at that exact moment. It's a really good feeling, though by the end of the previous post the moment kinda passed and I couldn't express the emotion accurately anymore. Such short lasting emotions... really just emphasises how precious the moment was.

Yeah, I'm still having no time to study/sleep. It's a matter of self-control, that I could choose to go home rather than hang out with friends, but when the latter presents itself in front of you, even if it's 4 consecutive days of a week, you'll still be tempted right? I'm trying quite hard to get started on work, I've "excused myself" for more than 3 math lectures, ever since Differentiation started, but more precisely ever since Mr Foo SB swooped over and took over the lecture series. It's not that he can't teach (not that I even know how he teaches) but his voice is a lullaby. No, I can't even call it a lullaby, it's more like noises of huge wavelengths. And about the point of his teaching style, I seriously can't judge cause I've never -ever- kept awake through his lectures. Not once, I swear. I'm studying at home, minus sleep time or Facebook time. If I'm not sleeping or on Facebook, you know I'm mugging. But I'm not even sure that's considered mugging cause I have like just about half an hour or less everyday to try and do work.

Good news is: I finished PI, bad news is ever since I completed PI I haven't done a single tutorial or exercise question cause I'm still feeling a HUGE sense of achievement from completing PI, and it successfully overrides any kind of guilt existing from undone tutorials. :) Swear I'm going to start mugging as soon as possible. Which I foresee is not very soon, but still yes. Oh yeah plus there's a 70% chance I'm dropping Chem to H1 cause it sucks.

My friends pwn.

It's midnight and I'm praying really hard I can get my PI done by tonight cause there's still loads left for tomorrow. I turned on the air-con and it's getting really quite cold. I struggled with PI. I was squirming and rolling around on the mat I set down in the study room with stress just moments ago, but right now I'm feeling this warm sensation in my heart, much stress gone.

I felt teary for a moment. I really marvel at what good friends I have, how fortunate I am to have them. I'm not the kind who make BFFs, but yet just how much care I receive from some of my friends at times when I needed them the most make me feel really awesome. I can't tell what I did to deserve it, but I really have to thank my friends. I feel so much better right now. A moment ago I felt hopeless, on the brink of stress.

Really I can swear I was so touched I hardly even remember another time I felt like that. Thanks Sandra, you got my entire night back on track. I wouldn't have been able to produce a single piece of idea given that state of mind previously, thanks for the encouragement and all that help. Yuting as well, for Chemistry. Liqin, Jieting, Sieweng, Tzuhsiang, Angell. I swear we won't ever fall apart okay :)

Also here's thanks to Michelle and Alvina just now.


Man, I love my friends.

Wushu competition. My only event, but thank god it's finally over. I got like 7th place (which is non-existential) but it was not bad, people told me I was quite on-form despite my thinking I forgot to execute some stuff I reminded myself about. HAHA saw Ivan and Pingyao at Parkway at night and Ivan seemed so worried I was depressed over the results or something (LOL) but I'm okay cause I didn't expect to win, at all. I'm quite noob and this year don't know why everyone is damn zai, I saw the C' div. boys for my event and I got quite a shock. I don't even have confidence I can make it next year, I might have to depend on luck. Alvina was quite lucky this year, 5 participants and 1 of them forgot her steps and gave up, while the other fell down halfway through the event. Wish I had that luck, LOL.

But to encourage myself, it was one of my best competition attempts and I scored 8.21, which is only 0.14 or 0.15 below the 1st placing, while 4 people were fighting for 3rd and 4th place at 8.31. Everyone else was really damn good, its super cool.

Plus I am really getting senile or something. You know I left my weapon in the wushu room in VJ today? And only realised it when my event was an hour away? And just yesterday... I travelled from school to home to hougang to home to hougang and back to home. Very long and boring story, but just anyway know that I was supposed to run errands and forgot about it. Twice. Okay great, can finally start on PI.

Don't bother reading. I just needed to whine.

I'm experiencing a whole new kind of emotion. I can't find an appropriate word to describe it. You can expect probably half of what it is, given my current circumstances. Weeks like these, what could I possibly blog about other than increasing workload? I don't know it myself.

The feeling's kind of trapped between a midway "workload is overpowering" and a "I'm past the stage when I still actually care about school". I don't know, I still have half an econs essay, the PI draft and wushu competition. I disregarded all tutorials and the GP essay already. I know I've workload beyond my measure, but I don't really feel like I'm stressed. It's like a subconscious acknowledgement about the workload but not doing anything about it.

Plus peer-pressure from the class isn't helping. I'm not sure if anyone from s65 reads this, some probably do but not on a frequent basis. We kind of live the typical VJ stereotype truly, having fun out and mugging at home. Problem for me's that I don't have time to mug at home, and minus that it's just having fun out. I get a little more stressed every now and then when others complete their work on time. I don't wanna talk bad about s65, it's a fact we're really not united and we're quite clique-ish and all, but sometimes I really miss 4E. Yeah, I'm sorry classmates.

I seriously hope everything gets a hell lot better after my wushu event on Friday. Which I'm a little worried about, still. I don't have a single idea about PI, submission for draft's on Friday as well (yes, everything's on Friday: econs, GP, PI, wushu). I fell asleep during the PI briefing, I slacked through the 1 hour research time for PI ideas, and I haven't even had proper time to read Project Task 2. Holy shit this sucks, I need a time machine.

emails: chew.bolong.2009@vjc.sg (main) / bolong02@hotmail.com (dominated by junk mail)
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/bolong
mobile phone: yeah you wish.